A List.
1) Do you ever have like a brick or a tree limb embedded underneath your upper eyelid, laughing at you? Making you think long and hard about blinking? And then you get all
surgeon and you run your "I just ate a sandwich, pet the dog, put base on, counted spare change" finger
up inside your eyelid? And not only does this "take THAT" gesture
NOT get the anvil to fall
out of your eye, but your eyeball actually screams this little wet bacteria scream, just reminding you about the makeup and the cash and the fact that you're totally NOT a surgeon? But you
are a dirty bitch. I hate my eyelid. My eyelid is a paranoid dork. It plays the clarinet. It has no eyelash friends.
2) R and me and C and Other E, we're all watching Olympic swimming tonight, and I find myself saying obstinate things like, "Oh, that turn was
totally valid!" and "I don't know, I think that kick was questionable". Until I remembered that Other E is on the varsity swim team. And that I barely survived basic swim lessons at
twenty-eight years old. OH, AND THAT WE'RE WATCHING THE FUCKING OLYMPICS. So if there was any question as to my arrogance and self-importance before, rest assured.
3) I've decided that driving 41 miles to and from work at 80 miles an hour through gorgeous, uncompromised desert/mountain vista beats the crap out of driving 22 miles to work on the freeway. Fuck everyone. I
will drive literally
twice the necessary distance in order to avoid you. Feel the love.
4) I've taken to listening to books on CD while driving. The only problem I've found is a teensy touch of the drowse about 3/4 of the way there. I don't think I'd ever actually
fall asleep, but I will concede that my reaction time hovers around twelve, maybe thirteen seconds. That's when I "uncle" and punch the FM into Beyonce. Because I can brake like a motherfucker to "Naughty Girl".
5) Last night there was a heated Jake fiasco involving a dark pasture, an unruly chihuahua, some rain, an insanely pissed R, a The Jake who who wouldn't listen to anyone but the chihuahua-huahua, and me throwing a collar into the inky night. Then there followed a more quietly humiliating episode that involved a penitent The Jake, a dismissive prima ballerina chihuahuahuahuahuahua, a shiraz-placated R, and me in the dark pasture with a flashlight. For an hour. There's not that much more to tell. it was just that much fun.
