I went to the doctor today for a follow up to some blood work that my health insurance asked for. Apparently my cholesterol has gone up 39 points in eight weeks. Which is a lot, particularly for a 29-year-old who's as pointy as I am. What I know about cholesterol is "eggs" and spell check, and even
I know that 39 points is a lot. So what's my plan of evasive action, you ask? Oh, I'm on it. Tonight I came straight home, ate an entire bag of potato chips and stirred a gin and tonic in a paint can. Next.
So I don't make a lot of mix tapes. Part of having absolutely no character or individuality when it comes to music means that I'm forced to sit outside of the mix tape circle. I made one once, but really I just copied an entire album onto a blank tape. I thought it was brilliant... but really it was just "Wham". Again.
But the other night, for some totally inexplicable reason, it seemed like an inordinately good idea to make my parents a mix tape of songs that remind me of growing up and good feelings and family and ... shut up. So I kicked two empty paint cans out of my path (squished limes rinds skittering wetly across the floor like so many... squished lemon rinds) and stumbled to the computer.
In two hours I had four full CDs. And another CD with two songs on it. Because I'm fucking awesome. Ask me how many times my mom and dad are going to have to listen to "
Wildfire". The paint can guessed "four", but paint cans are notoriously bad guessers. Especially when they're trashed.
(The cholesterol thing is a weird side effect of my latest birth control pill. Which I'm now off of. I'm not sure why I was still taking it. I mean, R's had a vasectomy, so that's gotta cut my chances of getting knocked up, what, in half?)
