Next Thanksgiving the plan is to wake up, immediately slam down a fifth of grain alcohol, and go back to bed. My liver would THANK ME. I understand that I would have to decant my
own grain fifths, that Arizona Beverage doesn't bottle those, and for good reason (see:
lethal convenience pgs. 12, 342-347), but I'm willing to invest whatever it takes to BREAK THE
CURRENT ROUTINE. I won't even go into detail. Poor
Caitlin took the brunt of the horror, and I don't remember a lot of this... but apparently after I downed four bottles of wine I could still operate a cell phone and somehow a pack of Parliaments had materialized. With the "Hangover of the Year: Wow, You Really Should Lay Down and Here, Use My Chapstick Immediately" award still hanging over my desk from
last year's post-Thanksgiving workday, I felt compelled to fake it today. Poorly, no doubt, but I never once-- never
ONCE-- curled up into anything. And you can't take that away from me.
