His sea monkeys greeted him fourth. With somersaults.
I saw a commercial early this morning for
this stupid shoulder bag with a zillion compartments, and it never would have even pinged my radar were it not for the "FREE BONUS" gift the stupid bag people were using for bait. Because (as seen in the above link) the FREE BONUS gift was a "tapeless voice recorder"!
Tapeless! It's a recording machine that doesn't require tape! What year is this, 3042? Did the aliens bring this device as a high stakes bartering chip for our collective bone marrow? Because that's the only plausible explanation! Next thing you know they'll be giving away a magical wand that you wave at your television to change the channel! YES, I WILL BUY A BAG WITH A SPECIAL COMPARTMENT FOR MY CATHETER TUBES IF IT MEANS I CAN OWN TOMORROW'S TECHNOLOGY TODAY.
Somewhere there's a guy who just got home from work, right, and when he unlocks the door to his townhome the first thing he's greeted by is the flashing "12:00... 12:00... 12:00" from the clock on his VCR. The second thing that greets him is the ERROR message on his answering machine letting him know his message tape is full. Luckily the third thing that greets him is his pet rock or this might have been a pretty rough day. THAT'S the guy who seriously needs to learn to program his VCR to record the shoulder bag infomercial.
