The thing about our trip to China was that it was completely insane. We went so many different places and saw so many amazing things, I'm literally still completely overwhelmed. A couple of days ago, someone asked me what my favorite part of China was. I just sat there, glassy-eyed, slack jawed. I don't remember what I finally came up with. Pandas, maybe. People like pandas. Pandas are a safe answer. Pandas'll shut people up and let me eat my dinner, already.
Our trip was professionally engineered by an international tour company that specializes in making sure every second of every minute of your time in China is spent as efficiently as possible. This is an excerpt I just copied directly from the tour company's website:
"[Our] tours are not particularly designed for those who are looking for relaxing holidays in China. We strive to provide more of a cultural journey, an adventure, rather than a getaway; a learning experience rather than an escape.
In tune with this approach, we designed our China journey for those who would like to discover this great culture with flexibility and an open mind, and for those who would like to work together with us to achieve this goal."
Translated: We're going to run your ass off every second of every day making sure you leave here securely convinced that China is a paragon of modernity, tradition, progress, and morality, and if that means you get five hours of sleep a night, then that's what it fucking means. If you're not with us on this then you're against us, and this is China, right, so that strategy clearly isn't going to work. Now get back on that bus."
All of these tours are sanctioned by the Chinese government, meaning that in addition to the requisite government stores and factories that popped up on our tour itinerary, we never ever heard of or encountered any signs of poverty or national unrest. We had at least one guide with us the entire tour, and most of the time we had two. Our hotels, restaurants, tour stops, domestic flights, and other transportation were all arranged behind the scenes so there weren't any choices to be made on the fly. Add to that the fact that we literally-- LITERALLY-- had roughly thirty minutes of "free time" (meaning time to sit down in a chair somewhere and gasp for breath) from the time we left the hotel at 7:00am until we reached another hotel at 9:00 or 10:00 that night, and it's clear that no one was going to have an opportunity to accidentally stumble upon something culturally unflattering on one's own.
Our "national" guide, Ming, met us at the Beijing airport when we landed. As the national guide, she stayed with us the entire trip; the "regional" guides changed daily and were along to coordinate travel, food, and hotel details for a specific city. But Ming was our girl. Thirty-one years old, tall, very slim, cute, Chinese.
"My name is Ming," she told us once she'd corralled us through the arrival gate, "but you can call me Kate." Apparently the tour company had given all of their guides "Western" names to make it easier for their charges.
Which struck me as really funny; are there a lot of Americans who can't pronounce "Ming"?
"I'm sorry, Monp? Mirg? Say it one more time, slower. Okay... Mmmmelg? Fuck this, I'm calling you Kate."
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Comments
7 comments:
I imagine it like one of those old Kung Fu movies or something... where you have to earn your hotel bed every night by climbing giant mountains carrying water pails. Sure, you can see a panda or two from the trail, but goddamn it you're going to leave a different person! Damn the gift shops!
What, no poverty? You didn't get bamboozled by 70-year-old homeless people who never saved for their old age because they were told NOT to by the government? Aww, you missed out.
Tell me you got a hold of the English propaganda paper with articles on how Al Quaeda was in Tibet, eager to cross the border and kill everyone.
Ahaha, Mirg.
I wish it was National Overshare Month EVERY month because I've missed you. :)
I work for a global company that sells and markets in all of Asia - everyone has an American name. I think it has something to do with the metric system; how the world is on it but we don't care, we're not using it :)
Dude, no pictures of Ming/Kate?
And Ming makes me think of Flash Gordon and Ming the Merciless.
AidelMaidel
This sounds a lot like our trip to the former Soviet Union - very carefully planned to show you their best and hide all the rest.
When we were in China a few years back our guide introduced herself as Cassie. So we're all "Hi Cassie!" and she says "yes Cassie, spelt C-A-T-H-Y". Still makes me smile.
Post a Comment